I think about him still. It's getting pretty unhealthy. I know. But how else am I supposed to get through him? My feelings are confusing me now. There were times where I didn't have them because of the differences and because I can't tolerate anyone.
As for today,....well...they came back like a spirit from the dead, tracking down every single trace I have left and blew a silent whisper behind my ear. I don't know if it's pure infatuation. I don't want to know. I don't care about the answer. I have come to a point where I stop having faith in humanity. I am not expecting anything. Especially from the opposite sex. Fuck hope. That's always my anthem, which I proudly sing to the rest of the living beings just to annoy the fuck out of them.
But I felt something today. The wanting to have and be had. The need to find the yet-to-be discovered solution of Rubik's cube. The waiting. The missing link.
I don't want to use him as a form of escapism. That's not what this is all about. It never was.
He is, after all, the boy in the capsule, whom I have discovered somewhere beyond the borders of grass I used to sit on in the lazy afternoon.
35 minutes ago