Sunday, October 18, 2009


It's been a long time since I actually sat in front of the notebook screen and just type whatever. Not just for the sake of replying people, or assignments (Good God, I still have datelines to comply with!), but, you know, just ramble stuff. A lot of things have been happening, actually. 2009 is pretty hectic. And right now, in my final semester of my higher learning, I don't know where to start.


Fine. Let's begin with Hari Raya. Not the best moments in my diary. Every year it's pretty much the same thing, the indecisive moment, the false pretense, the thought of not wanting to wake up at all on that particular day, and the list goes on, as I come from a pretty dysfunctional institution. I don't know whose side to take. Not that I'm against anyone or everyone else, but I just stop caring. I'm not bitter. Senseless is the better adjective. Call me selfish and ungrateful, but my dictionary does not define family in its biological sense. It's not blood. I don't believe in blood. It's all about accepting and embracing you with open arms, regardless of the differences. That's family. Let's not talk about this anymore. I feel like throwing up. Oh, by the way, to those sickeningly perky, optimistic ones (or perhaps, autistic?), do take note that Maaf Zahir Batin is just bullshit. Say it when you feel sincere enough. Thanks :)

Now, let us put more focus on the campus life.
That's right. I'm all out of words. There's just too many things around, and I can't decide which button to click. It's kind of like answering your exams, where you have limited time, and yet you feel like writing a whole book.

I'm in my final semester, at the tip of the iceberg. I'll be lying if I say I don't feel anything. I guess that makes me human too, or to make it sound better, a Demigod :p The problem with being at this final stage is that you'll still feel shitty in one way or another. If you make it to graduation, well, great, congratulations, but you're thrown into the vast ocean of the unknown, and that takes a lot of gambling. Gambling, because, even if you have planned a million plans, plans are still meant to be broken nevertheless. So, that leaves a bad feeling in your stomache. Or if you fail, hmmm, you can figure that out on your own. It's obviously a pretty fucked up situation.

Somehow I wish I'm a freshman for the rest of my life. Sure, I love being a badass, but when I look into the mirror, I still see a wide- eyed child with that awkward smile. It's true when they say "Being grown up is not half as fun as growing up." I have less than a month left before I finally leave. And my house will be emptier than a cheap motel by the time I decide.

Please tell the Timekeeper to resign. Let's freeze the mirror.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Di Antara Pilar- pilar

Membeku tanpa suara
Aku enggan keluar dari bayangan pilar- pilar
Takut kaulihat luka- luka batin
Yang terpacar dari wajahku yang memar
Tak usah kau tahu
Bahawa aku mengintipmu

***Di Antara Pilar- pilar
Puisi Oleh Rendra